I’m a vegan, but I do enjoy watching a football game every
now and then. After all, there’s no conflict of interest in that, is there?
…Okay, well there is that little matter of the “pigskin.” I guess that’s a
conflict. But hey, look on the bright side. They stopped using leather helmets!
I suppose there are a few other
things about football that don’t make it very vegan-friendly. It’s a violent
game, and we vegans aren’t big on violence. But at least there aren’t any
innocent, non-human animals out amid the fray. That doesn’t mean animals aren’t
affected, though. There’s the aforementioned “pigskin,” and there’s a whole
parade of dead animal parts that come on the TV screen at every timeout. I’m
talking, of course, about the fast-food commercials. It really makes you worry
for the health of football fans to think that they must be consuming the
unhealthiest of fast-food diets on a regular basis. At least (again, if you believe the commercials)
they’re getting plenty of grains by washing it all down with beer.
And speaking of unhealthy food
riding the coattails of football, what do you think all those offensive linemen
are eating on a regular basis? I look at those guys—already heavy, even though
they’re burning 6000 Calories a day working out on a young metabolism—and just
can’t imagine what they’re going to look like when they give up football and
turn 40. They’re the closest thing in the human race to those poor
genetically-altered turkeys that grow so big they can no longer stand up. No, I
don’t think offensive linemen got their physiques from eating vegetables. If
they went vegan, though, they might be a lot less, well… “offensive.”
I’m musing about football, of
course, because Sunday is the big game. If you’re like me, you’ll probably be
invited to a several Super Bowl parties, all hosted by non-vegans. I’m going to
one of those parties, and I’m going to do my best to not insult the host and
hostess by calling it the “Stupid Bowl” too many times. I’m also going to try
to stay under the radar with my vegan diet.
People who host football parties
invariably say “bring an appetizer,” and that’s always a challenge for a vegan.
There are two ways we can go with this. For the last football party I made some
really nice vegan nachos. Who doesn’t
like nachos, I thought?! These were really good ones too—made with tons of
chilies, vegan chorizo sausage and lots of fresh cilantro and vegan cheese.
They were delicious, but unfortunately few of the meat-eaters at the party
would even touch them. I know what
they were all thinking. Those aren’t real
nachos; those are weird nachos.
This year at the Stupid Bo… I mean,
Super Bowl party I’m going to go the
other route. I’ll take a nice plate of celery. No one will even notice it
amidst the sea of chickens’ wings, dairy cheese dip and pepperoni pizza. Celery
doesn’t make any pretense. Celery offends no one.
Yes, I’ll be happy in the back of
the room, crunching away on the one
thing at the party I can eat. But football games go on forever, and celery
isn’t very filling. I’ll be glad I followed the best advice I can give to
vegans on football Sundays: eat before
you go.
P.S. In case you want to try the delicious nacho’s I made
last year . . .
Vegan Nachos for the Big Game
A fast and easy vegan
take on a favorite snack food.
Tortilla Chips
7 oz. Canned Green Anaheim Chilies (chopped)
1 can Black or Vegetarian Refried Beans
24 oz. Jar of Salsa (any kind)
1 Bunch Cilantro
Shredded Vegan “Cheese” (Daiya)
Vegan Sausage (optional) (Gimme Lean, Yves Chorizo, Tofurkey
are all good)
Black or Kalamata Olives, halved (optional)
Hot Red Pepper Sauce (optional) (Sriracha, Tabasco, whatever)
Vegan Sour “Cream”
(optional) (Tofutti)
Guacamole
Lay down a thick bed of tortilla chips in a large baking pan. Crush them
down a bit with your hands. Cover them evenly with the beans, chilies and
optional sausage and olives. Wash and chop the cilantro, and spread it evenly
over the rest. Top everything with the jar of your favorite salsa. If you’re
using mild salsa, consider spicing things up with some red pepper sauce.
Finally, cover it all with the shredded cheese. Bake a 380° for about 25
minutes, or until hot and bubbly. Cut into squares, and serve with the phony
sour cream (an especially good combination with the olives and sausage!) and/or
guacamole.
Mark is an attorney, author and long time vegan.
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